So today was my weigh in day and I was down 1 pound from last week. Great! Right!? It’s one less pound! Every pound adds up! I tracked honestly and had activity. I really had hoped for 2 pounds maybe.

I know that this back half of my journey is going to be maybe more challenging, that it’s going to come off slower and in smaller increments. I am ok with that, to me that makes perfect sense.

Where does my absolute frustration come from you say, if I get the above. Here is where my frustration is.

I weigh only 1 pound less then I did when I weighed in on June 21st!! In 20 weeks i have gained and lost 11 pounds to end up where I am as of today! That is where my frustrations are coming from!!

I told my WW coach that I can totally understand why at this point some people stop coming to meeting! Stop tracking! And just STOPPING all together!

I am not stopping or giving up! Before anyone says what they are thinking, yes I know I have come so very far! That I am creating new healthier habits.

I said when I started this I was going to be brutally honest, and this is me being honest while I know I’ve come so far, and I am proud of what I have accomplished and I know it took time to get here so habits and life styles take time to change. I am still very frustrated!!

I’m frustrated with this stage in the process!

I’m frustrated with my results!

I’m frustrated with myself!

This is a process! And a true test of your mindset! These past months have been a test of mine! To be honest I really feel like I am failing!!

I started this year with the goal of reaching my weight loss goal weight! Well, that goal has been altered changed and pushed back to be agile with my results. In the end am I failing because I keep moving that goal out?

So today August 23 I went to my WW workshop, just wanting to have a small loss. After, having a substantial gain last week of 4.4 pounds, and a month of no real losses or gains, I just wanted to get past this “funk”.

I committed to moving 30 minutes extra everyday.

I committed to getting back to my full meal prepping.

I recommitted to reaching my goal weight by the end of the year.

I recommitted to my “WHY”

I meal prepped made sure I had fresh vegetables it and ready to go. I prepared chicken breasts to have at the ready for meals.

Setting these goals holds me accountable and keeps me on track. I need small attainable goals that help me move toward my larger goals. Now, I have been following WW since December 2017, everyone losses at their own pace. My journey is just that it is mine.

Boy, did it pay off today! I figured I might have a small loss, but I was not prepared to hear the actual!

When I step on the scale I know that I am already on a better track because I’m making healthier choices, that to me is a win already. So for there to be a weight loss with it, that’s an added bonus.

So here is this weeks results…the benefit of my making of better choices.

This is me today!

I’m still learning about my relationship with food and activity. I have already learned a great deal about myself.

No matter what I am not giving up on myself! I want to be the healthiest version of myself that I can, I am only part way through that journey. Frankly, I true,y believe it is a life long journey.

So here is not remembering “WHY” you started.

To remembering that you are WORTHY

I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. My mom informed me just recently that even as a baby I was at the top percentile for my weight. So if it started literally at the beginning I guess I was meant to be heavy based on my genetics. Right?

I had tried a variety of things. I went to TOPS meeting, didn’t work. I had tests done to see if I had a medical issue that caused me to gain weight. I tried Weight Watchers many years ago and it didn’t work for me. I had come to accept that I was just going to overweight for the rest of my life.

I got to a point where I said to myself enough is enough! I may have predisposition to hang on to fat (my guess not medically proven) but I am not willing to accept this anymore! I changed the way I thought about it?

Not accepting that my weight, unhealthy lifestyle and lack of movement was all genetic! Come on really that is an EXCUSE! I took control of all of it. The way I thought about all of it! My MINDSET.

For me the BIGGEST and I mean the BIGGEST key to my success so far is that I stopped making EXCUSES for my bad habits and choices and I owe them!

I’m going to go brutally honest! You will struggle and possibly not succeed or reach your goals if you make excuses for why you are not doing the work to get there! You will struggle if you don’t have accountability check ins along the way!

Sorry everyone, I’ve been a little silent here. I’ve been a bit busy and frankly not sure of what to share on here.

This week I have been in a funk. Why? I can not explain. I have just been.

Could it be all the changes I have been through. Working on my relationship with food and changing my life habits, let’s be honest can be overwhelming. Knowing I am feeling my feelings instead of eating my feelings! That is a huge accomplishment.

Maybe the reality is setting in that “I will always have to do this!” Meaning always count my calories. That I am going to always have a struggle with my relationship with food.

I also think that my lofty plan to reach my goal weight by the end of September this year and knowing that it just might have been a very lofty goal. The reality of that I just might not reach that goal on the time frame I had wanted too is sinking in. The idea that I sabotaged that by having that pizza one day, the beer with friends the other time, are feelings I need to process. Know this I regardless I am going to still work my hardest at reaching that goal! But I am giving myself permission to NOT beat myself up if I don’t!

Then, I am also trying to figure out some other things in my life, things that are scary and very overwhelming. I’m having a hard time navigating this part, and finding my way. I also, know that I will find my way through.

Life happens, and….

Don’t beat yourself up, don’t give up! Know this, that everyday is a chance to start over.

When I was growing up I was always to big girl. My mom recently told me that as a baby and through my childhood I was always at the upper percentile for weight. So it is something I struggle with. For years, I just did not care. Kids would say mean things like “Fatty fatty 2×4 can not fit through the kitchen door”, I never reacted to those taunts outwardly but boy did they do some damage on the inside. Then adolescence comes and middle school into high school and while my friends had boys who asked them out, and got to go to prom, I never got asked. Part of if could have been my attitude, I had developed a defense mechanism to push certain situations away because I just did not want to get my feelings hurt or be disappointed yet again.  I never participated in sports cause I did not want to be laughed at or to be the brunt of a joke.  I have this one memory of putting myself out there and trying out to be a cheerleader (I think basketball) I worked hard learned the routine and I think did very well. I was not chosen! The why was never articulated but for me, I was not picked because I was FAT. I never tried out for anything ever again after that. I tell you this because that girl was not motivated for anything, she thought she was but she really was not.

Years later after moving to the other side of the country, I found myself and my inner motivation to do ______.  Living in a new place not knowing anyone forced me to put myself out there and to develop self confidence. In my new home of Phoenix I became motivated to explore, experience, succeed at work and to connect with people.  My promotion and move to LA is where I found the inner motivation to change my health and my life. I had some rough times in LA (not going into details here its for another post) that tested my mindset and motivation. But my willingness to not give up and to continue to fight and get through the “muck” I was in was the driving force for where I am today.

I lost some of my motivation when I picked up my entire life to move back to my home state of Wisconsin, for several reasons, a sick parent, financial, and career. That small sliver of self-doubt that I had to throw in the towel and give up on my life in LA took a hit. So what weight I had lost I gained back and then some.

In 2016 I new things had to change. I started myself by eating cleaner and healthier. I started to exercise more. I was doing good, but not what I knew I was capable of doing!  So in 2017 I admitted I needed help, I joined Weight Watchers.

This journey has had up and downs. I would get so down on myself that I was not succeeding that I was failing if I did not have a loss that week. I gave that number on the scale a great deal of weight (no pun intended). While that number is important it is not everything! It doesn’t account for the better food choices I am making! The fact that I am moving more! THAT NUMBER DOES NOT DEFINE ME!

I stay motivated through those gains and no changes because I am focused on that end result! I have that image in my head of what I want at the end of this, while there is a number involved that is not the most important part!

Our minds are the strongest muscle we have in our bodies, and it has great power! Us that muscle to motivate you through those rough days, to keep your mind focused on what you imagine/want your future to be.

So I finish my 10 day challenge, and I have had a couple of rough days. On Sunday I shared a bottle of wine with my boyfriend. Monday, I was good ate within my points made good choices. Tuesday, not so much! With WW (formerly Weight Watchers) you are given points their version of calories to count. I am now at 26 smart points per day. My breakfast yesterday was 22 smart points and I had fruit no potatoes and I did not eat the toast! I did also eat 1/4 of a muffin.

This puts things into perspective! 22 points people. I did not stop there, for late lunch early diner my mom and I went to Pointe Burger, yep I had a burger, french fries and you bet a beer! I was way I mean way over my daily points!

Then tonight I ate pizza! Which isn’t necessarily a bad choice. But eating more then you should serving size is where it goes wrong!

I have weigh in on Friday! I have not really done huge workouts this is probably not going to be good.

I am back on track tomorrow. DOING THIS is not going to get me to my goal by September!

I had no true reason I needed to go 10 days without the below.

I did it purely to change up my diet and maybe jump start so I wouldn’t have a plateau. Given the only real things on that above list that I consume are. Dairy, fruits, alcohol, an occasional baked good and candy this was some what easy. With the exception of some challenges when I was out of town with family.

What I learned is that while my family was eating pies, sweets and having the occasional alcoholic beverage, I did not give in. So this tells me that I can have any obstacle or temptation come my way and I can say NO.

I have said in previous posts that I am doing WW formally Weight Watchers. I like this because I can eat what works for me, it helps and holds accountable for points (aka calories). This is teaching me to stay within a daily point/calories, but I can eat anything I want.

I’ve done other programs in the past. For example, I did a program called Ideal Protein and I lost 60lbs, this is a Keto diet. In my experience and for me and my body not something I good maintain. Now with WW I can incorporate what I learned about my body from that program into this. Like I do not eat a lot of pasta, rice or bread. When I do I eat them earlier in the day and I choose whole grains.

Changing up what you eat and when you eat it helps get over a food rut and can get you off a plateau or maybe keep you from being on one. Just like change up your workouts!

I’m on the journey to change and improve my life! I’m creating my new lifestyle and everything that that encompasses.

If you want more information on WW I have included a link to there site. Results are different for everyone, part of the journey if self discovery.

This journey is not one day you start and 3 days later poof you’re at your goal. It took years to put on this weight it could take years to take it off! If it does then it does, because in that time period you are learning new healthier habits that will allow you to keep it off forever!

While I have had some good successes, they have not all been downs. I have had weeks and months were I gained and lost and gained and lost. What did I learn?

1) Do not beat myself up! I’m human I am not perfect. Be kind to yourself

2) No matter the results on the scale, I had a good week. Because I have learned something about myself and I am winning because I am working on being healthier

3) Be HONEST with yourself, if I gained, I know exactly what I did and why I had that result!

4) Under no circumstances will I quit! Any journey has its ups and downs, and a bump in that road is NO reason to STOP! It’s an opportunity to grow and change!

5) If you need support then it’s ok.

6) NO matter what hold yourself accountable! Regardless if you step on your scale at home and it shows a gain, you go to your WW workshop and be accountable for your actions.

7) Everyone’s results are different! You can not compare yourself to anyone else!

May 1st is the start of the 10 day challenge. For those that are participating with me here is what we CAN NOT eat!

Here is what we can eat. There are so many yummy things and filling on this list.

Now the key to this is have a plan! Make sure your fridge is stocked with veggies, lean protein, and nuts. Drink lots of water!!

If you end up eating something on the not allowed foods one day. It’s ok! We are human. Do not think for one minute that you’ve blown the entire 10days with that one thing on day 1 and hour 4. You have not! Reset start over with the next meal and move forward. Come back to this blog and comment on how you are doing? I will share how I am doing. I will share foods I am eating as well.

Today was my last weigh in at WW for the month of April. I sat down and reflected back on my wins and my losses (no pun intended).

I decided this year because I had goals I wanted to reach, that I was writing them down. Doing this makes the goal more real and important. I am not by any means disappointed in myself for not making/reaching my goals. So here is what I wanted to accomplish for the month of April:

• Lose 10.3 pounds
• Go to gym 3x week
• All blue dots
• 10,000 steps per day

Some of my goals may have been a bit out of my norm, but I believe this to be true

I did not reach my 10.3 pound loss goal. I am alright with that! Why? Because in the end I did have a loss over all for the month, that to me is a win! This is a journey and there will be gains and losses along this journey. Even though I did not reach my weight loss goal I set for the month, I did have a HUGE win this month, that I did not even write down to aim for. I hit a total weight loss of 75 pounds! I am over the moon excited and proud of myself. It was in 5e back of my mind that I would probably reach this mini-milestone this month.

I had 20 days of blue dots, meaning I stayed within my WW points range that day. Now I do want to say that on the either days that I didn’t get a blue dot does not mean I went over my daily pots, I could have been under my daily points.

I’m going to be real here I DID NOT have 10,000 steps per day at any point! This was an epic fail, but I also new that this was one of my want to reach goals and that I would really have to work at this! My job has me on my feet standing practically all day for 8 hours, and I get steps in at work, but when I’m done the last thing I want to do is be on my feet any more. So this goal will continue to need some work! I am ok with that.

I did get to the gym more then 1 time per week. Some weeks it was 3x some it was 2x. Again, I am working on creating a habit and for me I need to set small realistic goals. I have kept up with my water class and I am enjoying it. I have tried adding something new into my mix as well.

Looking ahead to May! I am starting the month out on a 10 day challenge. It’s simple I am eliminating the following from my diet for 10 days, to reset my body!

I will share how it’s going…

I am also keeping the same goals I had for April, except I’d like to lose 12 pounds in month of May. I also want to get outside some more! I have a great outdoor space and I want to do some at home workouts there.