This week was a struggle, I am not going to lie. I had challenges with always making the healthier choices. I did some late night eating, not snacking, just eating my dinner later in the day because of work. (That typically doesn’t work well for me)

Today’s a day where I needed to reflect back just for a moment to see what I have really accomplished for myself. So I went looking on my phone for a photo of myself (there are not many) from the very beginning. I did a little side by side of that one with one I took yesterday. For a first time in a long time I saw a huge difference in the two women in those pictures..but the differences I saw are probably going to surprise you.

This was all prompted on the fact that I mistakenly stepped back on the scale this morning after I had done my official weigh in for WW. In the 3 hours from that weight in I was up 3 pounds! In 3 Hours. Now I am fully aware that I am not taking that gain seriously. But it had me thinking about how that number on a scale can really have a huge effect on our mindset!

Oh, don’t get me wrong I did have a 5 pound gain this week. I struggled this week. I ate things I shouldn’t have meaning I ate too much! Or I made the unhealthy choice instead of the healthy choice! I know what I did!! I raise my hand and fully admit it! While I struggled and I always will. This week is not defining my entire journey thus far nor going forward.

I attended a WW meeting today to get some supportive encouraging words and ideas. With everything going on in the world I have not been consistent with attending meetings, I need to get back on that wagon. Few of the members had said to me “you look great”. “I have not seen you in awhile and you are looking good, keep up the good work.” I wanted to go back and look at whree I started to now.

I know this that the women on the left side, I would not have admitted she was as fault for her gains in weight. She made excuses! Oh they were creative and good you guys! Because she bought into them. She really was not happy. I do not mean just about being over weight, I mean everything. Some of her friends and family may not have really known this, and are just learning that now. She faked it well. She was lost and unmotivated. She felt unworthy of Love in all its forms, the love from friends and family and the love from a partner. This stems from somewhere deep inside her, I do not believe its from anyone thing. The root of those feelings may never be known, and frankly I do not think it really matters at all. Why you wonder. It is because the of women on the right.

She does not give a shit. This women on the right is becoming the person/women I have always meant to become. I am not that women for the most part. I full well know what I have done in the terms of choices and habits to get the results I have gotten this week! I am also very aware of what I need to do get back on track. It will happen!

It has taken me time and a great deal writing in journal on and off, of spending time with myself doing self-reflecting, meditating and to learn myself. To learn that regardless of my weight I am “WORTHY” of everything I want. That excuses are bull shit. I am overweight because of the choices I made and the bad habits I had. Genetics is not the entire reason behind it. I am not attractive to men because I am overweight. Well that might have been part of it, but the bigger part was that they way I carried myself, spoke and overall attitude. I DID NOT LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH!! That was what everyone picked up on!

I have a determination to succeed on this journey that I can not truly explain where it comes from. I can speculate. I believe it comes from a place deep inside me, a place of LOVE. The time I spent getting to know myself I was learning to love myself to understand my worth. This is a daily struggle, and I make mistakes. It is the love that I have for myself that has me moving forward and not giving up, because I now know that I am worthy of reaching my goals all of them! I will not stop until I do.

I wonder how many of you thought that some where in here I would mention that the differences I see in the two women was weight loss!?