I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. My mom informed me just recently that even as a baby I was at the top percentile for my weight. So if it started literally at the beginning I guess I was meant to be heavy based on my genetics. Right?

I had tried a variety of things. I went to TOPS meeting, didn’t work. I had tests done to see if I had a medical issue that caused me to gain weight. I tried Weight Watchers many years ago and it didn’t work for me. I had come to accept that I was just going to overweight for the rest of my life.

I got to a point where I said to myself enough is enough! I may have predisposition to hang on to fat (my guess not medically proven) but I am not willing to accept this anymore! I changed the way I thought about it?

Not accepting that my weight, unhealthy lifestyle and lack of movement was all genetic! Come on really that is an EXCUSE! I took control of all of it. The way I thought about all of it! My MINDSET.

For me the BIGGEST and I mean the BIGGEST key to my success so far is that I stopped making EXCUSES for my bad habits and choices and I owe them!

I’m going to go brutally honest! You will struggle and possibly not succeed or reach your goals if you make excuses for why you are not doing the work to get there! You will struggle if you don’t have accountability check ins along the way!

Sorry everyone, I’ve been a little silent here. I’ve been a bit busy and frankly not sure of what to share on here.

This week I have been in a funk. Why? I can not explain. I have just been.

Could it be all the changes I have been through. Working on my relationship with food and changing my life habits, let’s be honest can be overwhelming. Knowing I am feeling my feelings instead of eating my feelings! That is a huge accomplishment.

Maybe the reality is setting in that “I will always have to do this!” Meaning always count my calories. That I am going to always have a struggle with my relationship with food.

I also think that my lofty plan to reach my goal weight by the end of September this year and knowing that it just might have been a very lofty goal. The reality of that I just might not reach that goal on the time frame I had wanted too is sinking in. The idea that I sabotaged that by having that pizza one day, the beer with friends the other time, are feelings I need to process. Know this I regardless I am going to still work my hardest at reaching that goal! But I am giving myself permission to NOT beat myself up if I don’t!

Then, I am also trying to figure out some other things in my life, things that are scary and very overwhelming. I’m having a hard time navigating this part, and finding my way. I also, know that I will find my way through.

Life happens, and….

Don’t beat yourself up, don’t give up! Know this, that everyday is a chance to start over.

When I was growing up I was always to big girl. My mom recently told me that as a baby and through my childhood I was always at the upper percentile for weight. So it is something I struggle with. For years, I just did not care. Kids would say mean things like “Fatty fatty 2×4 can not fit through the kitchen door”, I never reacted to those taunts outwardly but boy did they do some damage on the inside. Then adolescence comes and middle school into high school and while my friends had boys who asked them out, and got to go to prom, I never got asked. Part of if could have been my attitude, I had developed a defense mechanism to push certain situations away because I just did not want to get my feelings hurt or be disappointed yet again.  I never participated in sports cause I did not want to be laughed at or to be the brunt of a joke.  I have this one memory of putting myself out there and trying out to be a cheerleader (I think basketball) I worked hard learned the routine and I think did very well. I was not chosen! The why was never articulated but for me, I was not picked because I was FAT. I never tried out for anything ever again after that. I tell you this because that girl was not motivated for anything, she thought she was but she really was not.

Years later after moving to the other side of the country, I found myself and my inner motivation to do ______.  Living in a new place not knowing anyone forced me to put myself out there and to develop self confidence. In my new home of Phoenix I became motivated to explore, experience, succeed at work and to connect with people.  My promotion and move to LA is where I found the inner motivation to change my health and my life. I had some rough times in LA (not going into details here its for another post) that tested my mindset and motivation. But my willingness to not give up and to continue to fight and get through the “muck” I was in was the driving force for where I am today.

I lost some of my motivation when I picked up my entire life to move back to my home state of Wisconsin, for several reasons, a sick parent, financial, and career. That small sliver of self-doubt that I had to throw in the towel and give up on my life in LA took a hit. So what weight I had lost I gained back and then some.

In 2016 I new things had to change. I started myself by eating cleaner and healthier. I started to exercise more. I was doing good, but not what I knew I was capable of doing!  So in 2017 I admitted I needed help, I joined Weight Watchers.

This journey has had up and downs. I would get so down on myself that I was not succeeding that I was failing if I did not have a loss that week. I gave that number on the scale a great deal of weight (no pun intended). While that number is important it is not everything! It doesn’t account for the better food choices I am making! The fact that I am moving more! THAT NUMBER DOES NOT DEFINE ME!

I stay motivated through those gains and no changes because I am focused on that end result! I have that image in my head of what I want at the end of this, while there is a number involved that is not the most important part!

Our minds are the strongest muscle we have in our bodies, and it has great power! Us that muscle to motivate you through those rough days, to keep your mind focused on what you imagine/want your future to be.